Friday, January 24, 2014

Mommies need Jesus

Sometimes, I forget things.

Like forgetting to turn off the bathroom sink I had running because the sound of it was the only thing that would soothe our fussy baby. Or forgetting that cup of water I had put in the microwave to make tea, only to find it a few hours later. Or forgetting the name of someone I just met and who just told me their name only a few seconds ago. Thankfully, though, someone invented sticky notes! If my life was lived without those brightly-colored little squares, I'm sure that my husband would be off to work without a lunch, pediatrician appointments would be forgotten, bills wouldn't be paid, and life would be a LOT more difficult, confusing, and chaotic.

And last night was like a great big giant sticky note for something of far more importance and of infinitely more eternal value than missed appointments or forgotten cups of tea. Last night was like a big sticky note reminder that I need Jesus. Desperately. Very desperately. All the time. For everything.

Sometimes I seem to forget that.

The seminary my husband attends has a special program for seminary wives through which they offer classes for the wives one night a week during the semester for a small fee. This semester, I enrolled for my second course, Biblical Parenting, by Danna Stinson, and last night was the first night of class. As Danna talked about the foundations for intentional Biblical parenting, I felt my heart resonate with  her first point- that not one of us can do this panting thing on our own. The only way for us to pour out compassionate and gracious words and actions upon our husbands and children is through Jesus' work in us. Only Jesus can give us the grace and kindness our words should have. Only He can give us the strength and power to serve our families selflessly. We need to realize our desperate need and, once we do, we need to then run to Jesus, falling at His feet and clinging to Him for help. Being faced with our inability to do good shouldn't bring fear or guilt but rather immense joy and freedom as we look to the One Who can do good and Who promises to work in us! (Phil. 2:13, 1:6) Just typing that truth and thinking upon it again brings comfort to my soul! Yet, how easily my weak soul forgets these wonderful truths.

Last night, right after getting home from class and from listening to Danna share from God's Word about my need for Jesus and how I can't do anything without Him, after all of that, I tried to be a mommy on my own. And I failed. Miserably.

Because of some things that needed to get done last night, we were unable to put little Annie to bed until close to midnight. Which actually ended up being close to 3 AM because overtired little babies have a really hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. After the seventh time and and few hours of of bouncing, singing softly, sssshhhhhing, trying to help her take her binky, I was so frustrated and tired and thinking only of myself and how I wanted to crawl under the warm covers and fall asleep that I became impatient and frustrated with our sweet little girl. I set her squirming, screaming, swaddled little body along with her tiny binky on the bed beside my husband, told him I couldn't do it anymore, went into the bathroom, closed the door, and prayed. I realized I REALLY couldn't do it anymore. Not on my own. Not without Jesus. I need Jesus to be Annie's mommy- to bounce her, to cuddle her, to change her diapers, to give her goodnight kisses, to pray for her salvation, to not worry about her. I can't be a mommy without Him. And last night was a fresh reminder of this.

And not only does He promise to help me and to grow me to be more like Him, not only that, but He has given me the best husband in the world to embark on this parenting adventure with. (He took over the bouncing and ssshhhing until little Annie finally fell soundly asleep.) It's so encouraging to know he's with me, and we're a team. And not only has God given us each other, but He's given us the most adorable baby girl who greeted me with coos and smiles galore at the start of this new day.

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