Sunday, March 2, 2014

Never alone

Knowing you are not alone is one of the most precious gifts of marriage.

I first knew the feeling the morning of our second day of marriage, when I awoke and heard his steady breathing as he slept beside me. I knew it when I was brushing my teeth, and heard him come up behind me and reach above me to grab his toothbrush and brush his teeth too. When I found my water had already been poured for dinner. When I hurried out the door into the cold, wintery wind, and smiled because he'd already heated the car for me. When his shoulder was there for me to cry on as the doctors informed us we'd had an early miscarriage. When his hand was there to cling to as we awaited the ultrasound that would show us if our baby was still alive. When he wheeled me out of the emergency room, and I was told to be on bedrest. When the dishes were washed, the laundry was done, and the stack of books in front of me were replenished again and again as I waited for my body to heal. When worry and fear about our baby's health plagued me, and he whispered Scriptures and Truth in my ear. I knew it as I leaned upon his strong arms for contraction after contraction. And when I heard his joy at the first cry of our baby girl.

These past four months, I have come to treasure more and more that feeling of knowing that I am not alone- knowing that my husband is with me. My heart is so encouraged when I feel his hand gently squeeze mine as I sit on the edge of our bed nursing at 3AM. Or when I walk into the kitchen to see the dishes from dinner have already been washed. Or when I wake him at 5 in the morning, crying because I haven't been able to fall back asleep and he holds me and whispers not to be anxious but to rest in God. Or when he walks through the door after a day of working for us and is carrying the most beautiful rose and tella me he doesn't ever want me to forget how much I mean to him and how much he loves me.

The new burdens of becoming a mommy can be overwhelming at times. And, at the same time, tthe joys can be unspeakably amazing. I am so glad I am not alone for either of them. I'm thankful to have someone to hold my hand in the middle of the night and to call into the bathroom to watch our little girl splashing in the bathtub for the first time. I'm so thankful he is with me.

And knowing he is with me is a constant reminder that God is always with me. He sees every daily diaper change, every late night hour of rocking in the nursery, and every second of the nights I can't fall back to sleep after being wakened, and He cares. Matt can hold me when I cry, but the Psalms say thay God catches all my tears in a bottle. Matt can share my smiles and laughs as we watch our baby grow, but God is the very Giver of these good gifts. Matt is with me now on this earth, but God promises to be with me from now through all eternity.

I am not and never will be alone. What a treasure to dwell on.

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