Monday, May 19, 2014

Dearest Sister: Save Your First Kiss

Dearest sister,

Save your first kiss for your wedding day.

I know you've heard me say this before, but I want to share a little more about what I mean and what I don't mean by this.

I do not mean that this should become a rule you hold in equality with a Biblical command. Doing so would only lead you to become proud if you follow it, and judgmental of others who decide not to follow it. Be on your guard against man-made rules and regulations that can have the appearance of godliness and wisdom but lead to self-righteousness. I do not want to encourage you towards that as I encourage you in saving your first kiss. But I do want to encourage you towards a life of holiness and purity before God.

(1 Peter 1:15-16) , "but just as He Who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written, 'Be holy, for id am holy.'"
(Matthew 5:8) "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

I want to encourage you to remain pure for God and through His strength and grace. Not for others (not for me, mom and dad, or even your future husband), but for God. And not in your own strength through your own "rules," but through relying upon Him. Because we are weak, but He is strong.

All that to say... these are a few reasons I would say, "Save your first kiss for your wedding day."
- Saving your first kiss can help guard purity in your relationship. Kissing can become slippery slope. If you do decide to kiss, you will have to consider the boundaries you will set in your kissing. Will you only do short "pecks," closed-mouth kissing, only when others are around but not when you are alone, only for special occasions, etc. This can become difficult to define, and kissing opens up a whole new realm of feeling and desires that can be difficult to stop once awakened. This is not to say that couples who kiss before they are married are compromising their purity, but saving your first kiss can be helpful in striving for purity in thoughts and actions.
- Saving your first kiss can help guard your future husband and be one of the first ways you show love to him. Kissing may not be a temptation for you, but it might make having pure thoughts and actions more of a struggle for him. Remember that he is not only your future husband but also your brother in Christ. Seek ways to encourage him in grow in godliness and beware of any ways you might be tearing him down.
- Saving your first kiss makes your first kiss very special. Again, this doesn't mean that if you don't save your first kiss that it will not be special for you, but there's something so exciting and special about hearing the words, "You may kiss your bride," and celebrating your union as husband and wife, as "one flesh," with your first kiss together.

When I have share with others about our first kiss on our wedding day, I often get asked
"Was it awkward? Kissing in front of a crowd of people for the first time?" I will admit that I was a little bit worried about this, but let me assure you- it was not awkward one little bit! In that moment, I was so focused on my husband that I completely forgot about the friends and family who were witnessing that moment. When you hear the words, "You may now kiss your bride," you will be so focused on your groom, you will not notice anyone else in the world at that moment. And don't worry that you won't know what to do. Kissing comes very naturally, and you do not have to have a long kiss in front of everyone if you do not want to. You can just have a short, sweet, simple kiss, and know that you will have your whole lifetimes ahead of you to practice together :)

Know, dear sister, that you and your future husband will have to decide what you are going to do about kissing or not kissing before your wedding day. But remember that following man-made "rules," to please me or our parents or anyone else would be dangerous. God has not commanded us to save our first kiss, but He has called us to live pure lives, and you must think and pray about how you can strive for purity and encourage your future husband to live purely as you await the day you become husband and wife.

I love you forever and always,
Your oldest sis.

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